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Two vampire bats are hanging upside down in a cave. One of the bats feels rather hungry.
"Let's go and find some blood", he suggests.
"I don't think you can get any blood this time of the day", says the other bat.
"Well, I want some blood and I want it now!", says the first bat and prepares to take off. "Are you coming or what?"
"Don't be stupid, you'll just waste your time", says the second bat.
So the first bat flies anyway. After a few minutes he is back with blood smeared all over his face.
"Where did you manage to find blood this time of the day?", asks the second bat.
"Well, do you see that tree out there?", says the first bat and points at a tree outside the cave, "Do you see that tree?"
"Yes", says the second bat, "Of course I see it".
"Well, I didn't", replies the first.
The US was in a recession. There was an American who lost his job. And because he had a family to sustain, he looked desperately for a new job.
After many attempts, he discovered a job vacancy in the zoo. He thought to himself, "I would even lower myself to work in the zoo"
When he arrived at the zoo, the zoo keeper told him "We don't have a job for you, but if you want, we have a chimpanzee who died yesterday and we kept his skin. Now that the cage is empty, you could put on the skin and act like one"
"Umm, I would even lower myself to do that", the American thought to himself.
So the man was ready for the new job. On his first day of work, he was so enthusiastic on his first swing that he swung over to the lion's cage. He was terrified, but he couldn't scream as he would lose his job.
After some time, the lion spotted him and prowled towards the American. The man began to tremble and shake. When the lion got closer, the man screamed "HELP! HELP!"
Then the lion said, "Oh shut up or we will both lose our jobs"
