If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1
repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just
stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you
which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one
will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the
thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite
off your ear.'
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