Microsoft

Larry Wan

Microsoft is preparing a new line of products and has sent this  preview of what is to come.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT

You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree  to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would  constitute  an infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let  others smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell  them how good it is.

If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven.  Set the oven using these keystrokes: \mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat//   Then enter: s//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.  If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start. The  oven will set itself and cook the dinner.

If you have a Unix oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients  of the dinner (found on the package label), the weight of the   dinner, and the desired level of cooking and press start. The  oven will alculate the time and heat and cook the dinner exactly to your specification.

Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case  your  oven must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the dinner from the oven and enter ms.good/tryagain\again/again.please.  This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave and then doing a cold reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your hardware vendor.

Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big,  larger than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments,  most of which are empty. These are for future menu items. If the  tray is too large to fit in your oven you will need to upgrade  your equipment.

Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the  chicken variety is currently produced. If you want another  variety,   call MicrosoftHelp and they will explain that you really don't  want another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need.

Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions  of their chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger family size. Excess chicken may be stored for future use,  but must be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging.

Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98.  However,  that version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get  thrilled in advance.

Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature,  not a bug. Your freezer probably should have been defrosted  anyway.