3 Jokes

Larry Wan

Robbery

Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money", he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this - I'm a United States Congressman!"

"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."

 A guy found a magic lamp and naturally, rubbed it. The genie popped out and said, "I'll grant you any wish you want."

The guy thought and thought and finally gave his answer, "I want  to be hard all the time and get all the ass I want."

"As you wish," the genie replied.

So, the genie turned him into a toilet seat... 

This goes a long way towards explaining a lot of things:

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

And that's why you always feel smarter after a few beers or glasses of wine, etc.