Computer

Dennis Su

From the Land of the Microsoft where the Porsche dealer laughing all the way to the bank and with the housing cost catching up to Silicone Valley, I have to share this story with you Lighters.

This has got to be one of the funniest I've heard of in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Microsoft Helpline which was transcribed from recording monitoring the customer service department. Needless to say the HelpDesk employee was fired; however, he is currently suing Microsoft for "Termination without Cause".

What follows is actual dialogue of a former Microsoft Customer Support employee (now I know why they record these conversations):

 Microsoft Employee: "Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"

 Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with Word."

Microsoft Employee: "What sort of trouble?"

Customer: "Well I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away"

Microsoft Employee: "Went away?"

Customer: "They disappeared"

Microsoft Employee: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

Customer: "Nothing"

Microsoft Employee: "Nothing?"

Customer: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

Microsoft Employee: "Are you still in Microsoft Word or did you get out?"

Customer: "How do I tell?"

Microsoft Employee: "Can you see the C: prompt of the screen?"

Customer: "What's a sea-prompt?"

Microsoft Employee: "Never mind can you move your cursor around the screen?"

Customer: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type"

Microsoft Employee: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

Customer: "What's a monitor?"

Microsoft Employee: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

Customer: "I don't know?"

Microsoft Employee: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

Customer: "Yes, I think so"

Microsoft Employee: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

Customer: "Yes it is"

Microsoft Employee: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

Customer: "No"

Microsoft Employee: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

Customer: "Okay, here it is"

Microsoft Employee: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer"

Customer: "I can't reach it"

Microsoft Employee: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

Customer: "No"

Microsoft Employee: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

Customer: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark"

Microsoft Employee: "Dark?"

Customer: "Yes the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window"

Microsoft Employee: "Well, turn on the office light then."

Customer: "I can't"

Microsoft Employee: "No? Why not?"

Customer: "Because there's a power failure"

Microsoft Employee: "A power.... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

Customer: "Well, yes I keep them in the closet"

Microsoft Employee: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

Customer: "Really? Is it that bad?"

Microsoft Employee: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

Customer: "Well, all right then, I suppose... What do I tell them?"

Microsoft Employee: "Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer"