Disorder in the Court

Ivan Choi

 Disorder in the Court These are from a book called Disorder in the Court. These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Some of these are excellent - don't miss the last one. 

Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July fifteenth. 

Q: What year? 

A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 

A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 

A: Yes. 

Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 

A: I forget. 

Q: You forget. Can you  give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? 

A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 

Q: How long has he lived with you?

A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? 

A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" 

Q: And why did that upset you? 

A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? 

A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? 

A: We do.

Q: You do? 

A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he? 

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? 

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes. 

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right? 

A: Yes. 

Q: How many were boys? 

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls? 

Q: How was your first marriage terminated? 

A: By death. 

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual? 

A: He was about medium height and had a beard. 

Q: Was this a male, or a female? 

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? 

A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? 

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. 

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 

A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. 

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? 

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. 

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 

A: No. 

Q: Did you check for blood pressure? 

A: No. 

Q: Did you check for breathing? 

A: No. 

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 

A: No. 

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, never the less? 

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.