At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong
man."
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a
fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't k now his wife
until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in every country, son."
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of
hope over experience.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life
thinking they had no faults at all.
You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.
During a heated spat over finances the husband said,"Well, if you'd learn to cook and were
willing to clean this place, we could fire the maid." The wife, fuming, shot back, "Oh yeah???
Well, if you'd learn how to make love, we could fire the chauffeur and the gardener."
According to the latest surveys, when making love, most married men fantasize that their wives
aren't fantasizing.
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girl friends.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
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