Romance Mathematics:
smart Man + smart woman = romance
smart man + dumb woman = affair
dumb man + smart woman = marriage
dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Office Arithmetics:
smart boss + smart employee = profit
smart boss + dumb employee = production
dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
Shopping math:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need
General Equations & Statistics;
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend
A successful woman is one who can find such a man
Happiness:
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all
Longevity:
Married men live longer than single men do, but
married men are a lot more willing to die
Propensity to Change:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does
Discussion Technique:
A woman has the last word in any argument
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument
How to Stop People from Bugging You about Getting Married:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs, cackling and telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals
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