What Your Car Really Says About You

Acura Integra
I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars.

Acura Legend
I'm too bland for German cars.

Acura NSX
I am impotent.

Audi 90
I enjoy putting out engine fires.

Buick Park Avenue
I am older than 34 of the 50 states.

Cadillac Eldorado
I am a very good Mary Kay salesman.

Cadillac Seville
I am a pimp.

Chevrolet Camaro
I enjoy beating the hell out of people.

Chevrolet Cavalier
I am a sex machine.

Chevrolet Chevette
I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette.

Chevrolet Corvette
I'm in a mid-life crisis.

Chevrolet El Camino
I am leading a militia to overthrow the government.

Chrysler Cordoba
I dig the rich Corinthian leather.

Datsun 280Z
I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well.

Dodge Dart
I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower.

Dodge Daytona
I delivered pizza for four years to get this car.

Ferrari Testarossa
I am known to prematurely ejaculate.

Ford Fairmont
(See Dodge Dart)

Ford Mustang
I slow down to 85 in school zones.

Ford Crown Victoria
I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them.

Geo Storm
I will start the 11th grade in the fall.

Geo Tracker
I will start the 12th grade in the fall.

Honda del Sol
I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all.

Honda Civic
I have just graduated and have no credit.

Honda Accord
I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.

Infiniti Q45
I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.

Isuzu Impulse
I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports.

Jaguar XJ6
I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.

Kia Sephia
I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp.

Lamborghini Countach
I only have one testicle.

Lincoln Town Car
I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.

Mercedes 500SL
I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.

Mercedes 560SEL
I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole.

Mazda Miata
I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler.

MGB
I am dating a mechanic.

Mitsubishi Diamante
I don't know what it means either.

Nissan 300ZX
I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.

Oldsmobile Cutlass
I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts.

Peugeot 505 Diesel
I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List.

Plymouth Neon
I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena.

Pontiac Trans AM
I have a switchblade in my sock.

Porsche 911 Turbo
I have a three inch thingy,

Porsche 944
I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me.

Rolls Royce
I think Pat Buchanan is a tad bit tool iberal.

Saturn SC2
(See Honda Civic)

Subaru Legacy
I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu.

Toyota Camry
I am still in the closet,

Volkswagen Cabriolet
I am out of the closet.

Volkswagen Beetle
I still watch Partridge Family reruns.

Volvo 740 Wagon
I am frightened of my wife.