"Tai Pin San Ha"

James Koo

Last two weekends were long weekends in Hong Kong; one was the dragon boat day, and the other was anniversary of returning of HK to China. Then the last Friday we have Typhoon, another day off. With so many days off, I quickly jot down a few "interesting" things about HK before I become totally acclimated, oblivious or numb about them. After all, I have been here for about 10 months now vs. 26 months when I graduated from Pui Ching as a Hong Kong resident. 

If you come either from America (North, South or Central), or Europe to HK, in addition to dealing with the jet lag, if you do not want to have the "run down" feeling, you need to learn to cross the streets here. 

First, instead of drive on the right side, they drive on the left side. So the cars will come at you from the wrong side when you try to cross the street. You need to look to the right instead of left when you first step off the curb, then you need to look to the left instead of right when you past the medium strip. On the one-way street, you need to look against the traffic. Watch out! Pay attention to cars instead of trying to memorize what I wrote here. I am not responsible if you get infected with the "run down" feeling while trying to figure out which way the cars are coming. 

Second the cars have the absolute right of way. That is, you need to get out their way; otherwise you will get the "run down" feeling.

I understand drive on the left is the legacy of colonial times. They drive on the left in Britain. I spent considerable amount of time inquired, contemplated, the reasons for the second phenomena; that is, why the cars have the right of way. By the way, this is not unique for HK, but common for this part of the world. Actually it is much better in HK. You can hardly cross the streets in Canton or Taipei and I understand the worst are in Thailand and Vietnam. A few years ago, a "kwailo" American friend came to visit me in Taipei office. He never arrived. A car hit him while he was trying to across the street in the pedestrian cross walk. I remembered that when I was little, they taught you in Shanghai that the street is like the mouth of a tiger; you risk your life when you cross it. But nobody explained why you should get out the way of cars instead of other way around.

I have failed so far to come up with the 2nd theorem about woman, may be I could discover one for cars-another toy of men (Lady Lighters, woman libers, please do not accuse me saying women being toys of men. I did not say it here). Some people told me in HK, might is right. Cars sure are bigger, heavier, and more powerful than pedestrians. So cars have the right of way. Then I noticed sometime, cars with tinted windows, or limos do not seem in a hurry to get out the ways of a much bigger, heavier trucks or buses. Ever so often I see big, burly, well built and fierce looking men clad in dark suits give deference to frail old man or woman they follow. So this theory does not seem to work universally.

Then one day, narrowly escaped being hitting by a car, the driver yelled out the window "ni mon gar, sian siaya? #@$%!!" or "are you blind, wish to die?" Another time "ni mo ngai, sian tsi nilowan? %$#@!" or "you have no eyes, wish to meet your maker (nilowan)?" Invariably they will bark at you questing if you have eyes and can see them or not. Then it dawns on me that cars have no eyes, and you do. That must be it. Eureka! Therefore you better get out their way. I am very proud with this simple answer. Now why cars defer to the pedestrian in N. America; that is a good question for Lighters over there to figure it out.

With so many high rises in HK, most people live or work in a high rise. This is the first time I work in an office building with a "lift." I quickly found out there is a set of rules or "lift etiquette" in HK.

When you first enter into a lift, you are supposed to stare into the space, at the floor, or at the ceiling. Never look at anybody. Never make any eye contact, lest you will be considered a peeping Tom. Do not have any facial expressions. If you simply smiled, the men will think you are "tsian si" or crazy, or trying to have the "duan siu tsi kao" the "cut sleeve" relationship with them, the women may think you are possibly a "sa long," a sexual wolf, or sexual deviant. They will reach their ever-present "mobile" phone get ready to call the police. 

Also, once you are in a lift, you are not supposed to move nor expect anybody to move for any reasons unless you are getting off. An average list allows about 1.5 sq ft per person. During the office rush hours, they are usually very full. While it is not as bad as subway in Tokyo having "pusher" to pack you in to close the doors, I often have to smell the shampoo or hair dressing of the woman in front of me with an inch or so between my nose and her hair. One time, noticing the door is closing on a very pregnant woman in front of me, I instinctively moved back, and immediately felt the tip of an umbrella between my shoulder blades. When somebody gets off, everybody will stay put, even when there are only two of you left. Guess it is impolite to move away, lest the other person may get offended. Personal space? "What does that mean; can you explain that again?" "HK is a commercial city, we are not interested in any space programs!" The reason I use "she" here as there are 70-80% women working in our office building, and I feel a little bit more crowded when standing so close to a woman. Often there is more space between us when I dance.

If you happen to stand next to the lift control buttons, it is de rigor you push the "DC" or "door close" button as soon as, if not before, people getting in or out the lift. Otherwise the men may reach over you to push the buttons with a such a contemptuous look you would wish the lift leaves without you. The women will glare at you with their "angry apricot eyes, and upside down willowy eyebrows" as they say in Chinese. This is the only time people will all "look" at you in a lift. And their look is hotter than mid-day sun in August here. You never, repeat not ever, push the DO or "door open" button under any or all circumstances to wait for anybody to get on or off. If you do, you are holding up the lift and wasting everybody's time. Time is money, and money is sacred only next to God or Buddha in HK, and sometime even that is debatable. 

Hong Kong is a small place. Even if you try to hide, somebody you know will see and meet you. Mum is the word if you are friends or wish to keep friends. Recently a Lighter came unannounced and then we met at highly unusual place-as I told some of the Lighters that Winnie and I came to HK try to live as we were younger days. We quickly left as our presence may impede what the Lighter was doing there. Anyway, mum is the word and I will let the Lighter to tell you on the website (the Lighter said he/she would explain on the website to all Lighters).

Living in HK, I also discovered some of my acquired contemptible "American" habits. While you see many street food hawkers in HK, you never see a hot dog stand. Only barbarians and Americans prefer to eat their food with their hands. All fast food are eaten with hands. Possibly that is the reason why American invented most if not all fast foods. However, while barbarians eat sitting down, Americans eat, and drink while they walk. Not hungry, not thirsty? The Americans will still chew gum while they walk. I guess for this reason while you often see HK people walk down the streets, talk on their phones, buy sell stocks, make appointments, make travel arrangements, talk sweet nothing or simply conduct any or all kinds of business, in addition to checking appointments on their Palm, window shopping and girl watching, but I have never, ever seen anybody walking down the street while wolfing down a bowl of "wonton mien" or eat a hot dog for that matter. If you can invent a way to put "wonton mien" on a stick, or in a cone, you will be Asia's McDonald, or Sanders.