The Oneness That Is Nothingness

Pat Wong

A pitch of total darkness, darker than was ever thought possible before, not a trace of light, encompassed the entire universe. It was so monotonous, void, yet so beautiful. A sense of serenity and fulfillment was overwhelming. The consciousness of self became meaningless. For I and the universe had become one, integrated into the oneness that is nothingness.

The concept of self was returning. I caught myself thinking: if that is death, I am not afraid. There was a two dimensional square, black with red diagonal zigzagging lines, floating and tumbling slowly at first and then accelerated. That must have been the self that was separating from the oneness. The serenity and calmness were no more. I was disappointed in not seeing a dazzling light at the far side of the darkness like many others have. I started to hear voices around me and tried hard to make some sound or motion to let know that I was still alive. I labored to no avail. It was but a futile attempt.

"Where does it hurt?"
I was annoyed by a question with such an obvious answer.
"My chest, it is like a ten ton truck crushing me. I can't breathe.I am losing it."
"You are not losing it. We are here to help you."
I was tired of arguing, tired of talking, tired of hurting. I was tired.
I was out. This time, due to the anesthetic, I experienced nothing except the lost of time. I woke up some 40 hours later with more tubes through my nose than it could hold.

Pat Wong
On the first anniversary of my near death injury.

p.s.
Thanks to my colleague, Dennis Ferguson, who has the foresight to take resuscitation training, and John Simmons, a fellow rider who is also a resource nurse at Valley Medical Center where I spent six months to rehabilitate, for their quick action to bring me back to life.