Men of Shanghai

James Koo

Several Lighters encouraged me to write more about Shanghai after reading the “The Red Haired Girls of Our Life,” and the Shanghainese “Leepo’s Visit to HK.” I have been writing about Shanghai girls, it is only appropriate that I should write something about Shanghai men. 

On my recent trip to Shanghai, in a magazine article there I found a survey of Chinese women about their opinion of men of Shanghai. They claimed 4 characteristics that best describe the men of Shanghai.

First, men of Shanghai “怕老婆” I found this term rather derogatory. I would never (dare) call Winnie “老婆” the old lady. It also implies the “old lady” being dreadful. I would rather suggested Shanghai men have a great deal of respect for their wife, and believe their wife is always right. This is equivalent to say that the wife wearing the pants in the house. Believe there is not need for me to elaborate this point. This is Koo’s first theorem. Until now, I thought this is universal truth, now I know this is the predominant character of men of Shanghai. This also implies the characteristics of Shanghai women. Even in HK, people are well aware of the capabilities of Shanghainese women. Both the former top government official and the only female entrepreneur in HK are Shanghainese women. There is no need woman’s lib in Shanghai. If any, there should be a man’s lib for Shanghai. However, before I advocate this, I will get Winnie’s approval first.

Second, Shanghai men are very capable, especially inside of the house. Their house keeping capability is legendary even in HK. They can cook, wash the dishes, iron, clean the house, take care the baby, and even change the diapers. I think this is the corollary of the Koo’s first theorem. Their wife taught them, asked of them, and being smart, the men of Shanghai learn to do it fast. In this regard, I am grossly lacking in cooking skills. Possibly I grew up outside of Shanghai, did not have the opportunity to learn. TV dinners or barbecue hamburger served with paper plates are the limits of my culinary skills. And you do not learn to wash dishes with these paper plates. That is where I need improvements compared with men of Shanghai.

Third, they are very hard working. This is because after toiling all day outside, coming home, they have to work very diligently inside the house. This is actually the consequence of the first characteristics. Therefore women in China think Shanghai men are smart and very hard working. Since I do not cook, nor wash dishes, I paint walls, fix faucets, and keep the house going in general. However, Winnie often will call in professionals to “improve” or finish what I have started. But in HK, I do not even have a chance to do so. Toolset is not a standard household item in HK, as HK men have no need for them. I love HK.

Fourth, men of Shanghai are tender, gentle, loving, and carry themselves well as perfect gentlemen. Shanghai men (and women too?) are a proud bunch. While they do not wear the pants inside the house, their wives would ask them to be a showpiece and wearing the pants outside the house. They will be clean-shaven, dressed impeccably, open the doors, hold the umbrella, help with the coat, carry the baby or the shopping bag, and more importantly, claim their wife is the most beautiful and always right. They behave like perfect gentlemen per their wives’ request. I am well trained in this regard. While Winnie is in California (that is often as is now), I religiously call her everyday to inquire about her health per her instruction. 

Do these characteristics make men of Shanghai the desirable ones, the marrying kind? In a different issue of the same magazine, there is a survey saying women in China prefer “Fan Guai Law,” Hong Kong men, Taiwanese, Shanghai men, and then country bumpkin for their husband in that ranking order. That is, Shanghai men are within a hair distance from the bottom of the list. That is the reason Winnie often tells me that I was an ugly toad that caught her as a swan. Am I lucky or what!

Being a simple-minded person, I think characteristics 2, 3, and 4 are results of the first one, therefore, you only need to remember the first one, and then you can deduce the other ones, possibly even beyond the three listed here. I understand there is a Chinese saying “家和萬事興 ” To a Shanghainese man like me, it means to keep a peaceful household, there are ten thousand things for you to do. For me, the first thing is to remember Winnie is always right. Then open the doors, holding the umbrella, carry the shopping bags, helping her with the coat, telling her she is the most beautiful, and 9,000+ other things. Last but not the least, move to HK, where Winnie grew up and loves to live. For the male Lighters, I bet your wife will be happy to come to visit HK. Now bring her over and your family life will be more harmonious. See you here in HK for the reunion and let us discuss this further.