The Passing of a Lighter

May Chen

It was with shock and great sadness when I received the forwarded email from Alec Li regarding the passing of Liu Pong-Chow.

I have always considered Liu Pong-Chow a good friend dating back to our Pui Ching days, even though our only communication nowadays was the yearly Christmas card exchange. In his yearly greetings, he would always asked how my family was doing, and if there was anything new in my life, and I would wrote back with a little note telling him what was happening. He was always so warm and loving. However, last year with my son’s wedding in November and the reunion in HK right afterwards, and then had to head east to NYC for Christmas, I didn’t have time to write Christmas cards. I only sent out e-cards and since he didn’t have email, so I didn’t even return his card. Now that’s he’s gone, I wonder, would he tell me what was happening in his life if I had asked him? Would he tell me he was sick? Would he? I will never know.

I don’t remember exactly how it started. I think it must be during our senior year in Pui Ching that Shirley, Liu Pong-Chow and I bonded. He would write letters to us, invited us to lunches. He was such a gentleman, I felt very comfortable with him. I wasn’t worried that we would be teased by other classmates, simply because there was nothing to tease about, we were just great friends. But like everything else, once we left high school, we lost touch until I saw him again many years ago in Toronto. Ever since then, he would send me Christmas greetings every year. Never failed.

Couple years ago, Shirley and I visited Toronto. Gina invited all the Toronto Lighters to her house for a little gathering. Liu Pong-Chow came also, which was rare; because we were told he seldom participate in the Lighters gatherings. He came mainly to see us. For some reasons, all the gals were in one room and the guys were in another room, we all chatted and had a good time. When we went out to dinner that night, it was also gals and guys in separate tables. During dinner, Alec Li came over and whispered to me that Liu Pong-Chow was disappointed that we didn’t have a chance to spend some time with him. It then dawned on me that he was right, we didn’t. He came especially to see us, yet we were so involved with all the girl talks that we totally ignored him. I tried to make some small talks with him as we were leaving the restaurant, but I think it was too little, too late. Later on, Shirley and I felt really bad for not making an effort to spend some time with him, but we just said, next time let us make sure that we won’t do that to him again. Little did we know, there was no next time!

I guess I have taken it for granted that we will always be around, and there is always a “next time”, but Liu Pong-Chow’s passing made me realized that we are all vulnerable. I regret not taking the time to talk to him while I had the chance, now that he is gone, I could never have that chance again. Likewise, I wish I could talk to more Lighters during the HK reunion, but unfortunately, we didn’t have enough time to go around, but I hope I can do better at the next reunion. I will hit my big six O shortly, time is of essence, I don’t know how many more of these reunions we can all attend, it will be more and more difficult as we age, that’s for sure. So while we mourn the passing of yet another Lighter, at the same time like Danny Yeung said we should “cherish our friendship, we should savor every moment that we see each other. Our class reunion is one of those rare moments in life.” Indeed it is, and I cannot agree more!