To the Lighters reunion committee, I want to say “thank you” for this
invitation to share with my classmates, their families and friends a few
thoughts on this topic assigned to me: friends and friendship.
When we were young, we had many friends, but we had no sense of how
important friends were. We enjoyed many friendships, but we had no idea how
critical friendships would be in shaping us as individuals or in developing
us as human beings.
As we grow older and become better persons, we become increasingly conscious
that these friends of our youth, these high school friends, have been a big
part of our lives. These high school friendships have been playing some very
important roles in our growing up years and, now, in the autumn of our
lives, they have become a critical part of our memories, enhancing the
quality of our lives.
The Lighters always remind me of what I am, what I could have been, and what
I should have been.
My Lighter friends and their friendships are memories that I go back to,
time and again, as I encounter a beautiful sunset or have enjoyed a
satisfying meal. In the midst of a pleasurable trip or in the middle of a
meaningful silence, the memories from my childhood and youth frequently
return.
They make me grateful for my life in spite of the fact that mine is a very
common life. My wife and my family, although they are very special to me,
are also very ordinary. In London, we see many monuments dedicated to the
kings and prime ministers, heroes and saints, and poets and soldiers. I know
with certainty that there will be no monuments dedicated to me anywhere. I
am a common man. With my common life and common thoughts, I will soon be
forgotten; but somehow, my family and the friends of my youth will remember
me, I am sure. And this assurance has made me very grateful to life. It has
made me realize that those are no ordinary sunsets, no ordinary meals, no
ordinary trips and no ordinary silence. I am glad that I have learned to
treasure each and every one of these experiences!
With the memories of the friends and friendships I had been blessed to enjoy
on that beloved campus at #80 Waterloo Road, Kowloon, Hong Kong, I know the
coming years of my life will be no ordinary years! I can honestly say that,
with the thoughts of my Lighter friendships in mind, I have come to
appreciate that famous saying: “Come and grow old with me. The best is yet
to come!”
Yes, I have some very close Lighter friends. Some are closer to my heart
than others, but the memories of my Lighter youth actually involve every
single Lighter. I have this memory of touching every single picture of my
Lighter classmates before they were printed in the Yearbook. I also have
this memory, which often brings smile to my face, of reading every single
draft of their biographies. I even have the memory of checking every record
and every address in the Yearbook for accuracy.
With gratitude, I remember my last day in Hong Kong before going to the
United States in August of 1959: looking through the window into each of our
four classrooms, I thank God and my Lighter classmates for their friendship,
knowing that in an unknown land and in an unknowable future, memories of
these friendships of my youth would sustain me and nourish me.
My life cannot be ordinary because I have these extraordinary memories of my
friends like yourselves. I have all of you to thank. So, thank you. Thank
you. Thank you. And thank you.
Five years ago in Toronto, we had our 40th class reunion. On the very last
day, Linda Tsang (A1), Patrick Wong (C15) and I were having our lunch in
that very nice but expensive restaurant in our hotel before leaving for the
airport. Toward the end of our lunch, in came David Zai (D33) and his wife
Judy. Not wanting to bother us because we were finishing, they went to a
table at the far corner of the restaurant. When we called for our check, we
were told that it had been paid for. The Zais had paid our check even before
they had ordered their meal!
David, one of my dorm brothers at Pui Ching, was always like that even when
we were in high school. We had many dinners in their home high above the
Happy Valley during the years of my hungry youth. More than 45 years later,
I can still remember the place where they lived, Fung Fai Tai.
Friends, those were no ordinary meals more than 45 years ago in that Happy
Valley home. And that was no ordinary check five years ago in the Metropole
Hotel in Toronto. Literally, friends and friendships make our life richer
and more fulfilling.
David’s gesture of friendship is typical of many such gestures by many
friends in many situations in the memories of my youth. Friends in the
springtime of our youth are memories in the summer and autumn of our lives.
Without these memories, our lives would be very barren. Without these
memories in the springtime of our youth, the autumn of our lives would be
without colors. And the winter of our lives would be cold, very cold,
indeed.
Friends in our youth often inspired us. Their success and achievement became
our model. On the other hand, more frequently than we like, our youthful
friends in their youthful ways also served as yellow lights in life for us.
Their failure and disappointment in love and life provided warnings to us of
life’s dangers and pitfalls. In a way, our friends sacrificed themselves for
our sake. We became healthier, sturdier, and safer because of them.
In one of the only two trips that my family has taken to Hong Kong all these
years, we stayed in a hotel not far from the old railroad station at the tip
of the peninsula. In a beautiful evening after dinner, I decided to show our
two sons a sea wall next to the pier of Star Ferry. Something happened there
years ago that later become a prominent part in their father’s memories.
You see, in a similar evening in their father’s high school days, four high
school friends were there. They had nothing better to do. They talked; but
soon they ran out of things to talk about. They joked; and very quickly they
ran out of all those borrowed jokes. They watched some more boats and
ferries. And they even discussed an occasional ocean-going ship that sailed
by them. Suddenly, a suggestion was made to see who was able to urinate the
farthest into the harbor from top of the sea wall. I won. I think I must
have won by a country mile, but there was no prize that day. The memory
itself was the prize. And it was priceless!
(May I also say that the story of their father’s success really impressed
the two young sons.)
I guess that is what friends and friendships are for: Memories. Memories of
Lighter friends have given me many moments of happiness throughout the
years, but there are also many memories of sadness. I sadly miss those
classmates whom I have not seen since graduation. And I dearly miss those
whom I will not be able to see in this lifetime.
Not able to have them in our Lighter gatherings often brings great sadness
to my heart. Because of this great sadness in my life, I want to see my
Lighter friends as often as I can and go as far as I can to see them.
Friends, I may not be able to spend a lot of time with you all but the times
I am able to spend with you have been very precious and they will be more
and more precious as the years go by.
For it’s a long, long while
From May to December.
But the days grow short
When we reach September:
And the autumn weather
Turns the leaves to flame.
We haven’t got time
For the waiting game.
And the days dwindle down
To a precious few—
September, November!
And these few precious days
I’ll spend with you.
These precious days
I’ll spend with you.
Thank you my friends. Thank you for your friendship. And thanks for the
memories.
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