I have Lived in Thailand for too long (II)

Ivan Choi

1. My driver's license is a 100 Baht bill. When I get into trouble with
the traffic police. I show the driver's license.

2. I always have toilet paper in my pocket. I wipe my month with it in the
restaurants.

3. I insist that the wine has to be served at the cellar temperature -- 39
degree C.

4. I must bring a helmet to a downtown meeting. In case of traffic jam, I
can use a motorcycle taxi to make the schedule.

5. My doctor told me my blacklung disease is not from 30 years of smoking,
but from the 13 years of Bangkok traffic.

6. I need so much luck that I have to walk under an elephant every week
..... until this one did not have time to go to the bathroom.

7. My blood is so thin now that I need to put on my sweater at 70 deg F, a
cashmier overcoat at 65F and an Eskimo hat at 60F.

8. I love Thailand's public toilet system -- behind every tree.

9. Putting on my new suit, I looked so handsome and impressive when shook
hands with my client ....only discovered I still had my slippers on, no socks.

10. Hiring a driver is not really for driving me to an appointment, but to
take me close to the motorcycle-taxi station so that I can catch one to make
the appointment.

11. I always have toilet paper in my pocket -- to put under the short leg of
an unbalanced table when I eat.

12. I have to use 3 hand phones. One is analog 800 MHZ, one is analog 900
MHz, and one is digital 1800 MHz, one is digital 900 Mhz and one is... wait
I am confused. That is why I need 3 phones to hedge it.

13. I am so spoiled that I reject my own wine.

14. I have not put on a suit for so long that the last one I wore had
flared bottom pants.

15. I forget what income tax means.

I have lived in Thailand for too Long I